Rehab or Resort

My stay at Rehab was surprisingly amazing . Not only was it soothing and relaxing, it was educational and spiritual. It became a place of friends

hips and love. You become a family. and when Imy day came to leave I found myself i tears I never thought leaving Rehab would break my heart having to say goodbye to these people I fell in love with. These people are just like me, Broken. Broken people that numb their pain with drugs. Yes we did drugs, yes those drugs led is to make poor choices, but That does not make us horrible people. it makes us Stronger people. We have to work extra hard everyday to keep our minds in a positive place.

When I left rehabI felt amazing. It felt like I was locked up in a jail cell and just getting released. IT was refreshing , but I also felt lonely again the minute I left. So I drove myself home and walked in the door of my apartment.and I just sat there. The first thought in my mind is drugs.So im planning in my head if I should just get a little and do it only once. and then I say no forget it I dint want to through away my clean time that I worked so hard to get. My mind was clear .why would I want to fuck that up? 2 days later I find myself looking for little rocks in my carpet next to my bed, in hope that I had dropped some before I left to go to rehab. What in the fuck is wrong with me? As disgusting as I felt, I had SCORED! that carpet did not let me down, I had gathered up enough to make a mini mountain. The problem was how do I smoke it. So off to the smoke shop I go. Thank god it’s only across the street. I ask for a “oil burner” ,That’s what you have to ask for since they are illegal to sell as meth pipes. and I pick the pink one of course and i race back home. I sit in front of my closet mirror and stare at myself thinking what in the fuck are you doing? If i do this I am risking losing my family , work , and even friends. Why would I risk these things? So I smoke it, I smoke all of it. And then the reward of smoking it is I feel like I don’t want to talk to anybody and I’m numb again. Oh and Im super horny and Im here alone. Not to mention now I have to tell my therapist. I hate disappointing people. I hate disappointing myself. ITs crazy how fast I get into routine of my environment here at home. They all told me not to go and that I should have went to sober living. They were right. This place is not going to keep me clean.

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